Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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