i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
