I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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