I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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