im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
