it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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