I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
