Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize