I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
