Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize