Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
