It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
