some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
