Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
