Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
