Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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