just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
