he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
