foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
