He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
