i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
