Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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