Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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