what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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