I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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