i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
