Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
