I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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