the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
