I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
