just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
