atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
