I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
