I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
