I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
