So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
