I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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