My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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