You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize