Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
