She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
