You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
