Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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