final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
