i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize