if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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