I smell stomach acid.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
