god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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