Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
