I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
