Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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