Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
