Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
