I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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