he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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