she woke up with a sticky ear
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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