Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
