I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
