I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
