Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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