I am in a vortex of obligation.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
