I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
