I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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