i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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